Buckle Up Dorks, It’s Tennis Time

Listen here losers – tennis is back, and it doesn’t care what you have to say about it. When the Western & Southern Open gets underway at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center in Flushing Meadows, NY, tomorrow, it kicks off an 8-event tennis feeding frenzy that includes a pair of top-tier (non-slam) WTA and ATP tournaments along with the U.S. Open (beginning August 31, also in Flushing Meadows) and the French Open (September 27 at Roland Garros). This ambitious slate will be a trial by fire for international tennis, which has avoided the now-familiar scrutiny other sports have faced as they attempt to resume play in the midst of a global health crisis. So, will any of this actually happen? Who knows! Is staging an international tennis tournament even such a good idea? [Tugs collar]. But for now, we have the promise of tennis, and that is...not nothing? 

So, with a glimmer of hope in the grizzled little baboon hearts of tennis fans everywhere, let’s take a look at what to expect in the Western & Southern Open.

Quick Serve: Western & Southern Open

Draws | Schedule

Traditional name: The Cincinnati Masters

Inaugural tournament: 1899

2019 Champions: Madison Keys; Daniil Medvedev

Previous champions in 2020 field (women): Keys, Karolina Pliskova, Serena Williams, Victoria Azarenka

Previous champions in 2020 field (men): Medvedev, Novak Djokovic, Grigor Dimitrov, Marin Cilic, Andy Murray

Notable absences (women): Simona Halep, Ashleigh Barty, Elina Svitolina, Kiki Bertens, Belinda Bencic (COVID-19 precautions); Bianca Andreescu (knee)

Notable absences (men): Rafael Nadal, Gael Monfils (COVID-19 precautions); Roger Federer (knee)

So... yeah. The absences speak volumes. All of these high-profile defections -- especially on the women’s side, where only four of the WTA top 10 are competing -- won’t help the vibe at tennis’s big welcome back party. And no, none of these players is showing up for the U.S. Open, either; this is just a thing we will have to accept, like having shitty jobs and John Isner being the highest-ranked player in American men’s tennis. Be a good lad now and suck it up. 

The thing is, once you get past the depleted draw, the COVID-19 bizarro season presents its own fascinating psychodrama. Who is best suited to manage the distractions of society collapsing around them? Which of these creatures of habit will be least affected by disruptions to their precious routines? Will the soft fields create one big trap-game dynamic for the favorites? And are any players truly thirsty for a win, or will they just be looking to pat the dust off, gobble up a few hot reps, and get ready for the U.S. Open? 

The Women’s Draw

In the topsy-turvy world of women’s tennis, you could talk me into anyone winning this tournament. 2016 champ Karolina Pliskova is the one seed, and no one would be surprised if she came out on top. The COVID-19 break may have been a welcome respite for established New York-lover Naomi Osaka after earlyish exits in the 2019 U.S. Open and 2020 Australian Open, though she would meet an in-form Petra Kvitova -- who has played much more tennis than Osaka this summer -- in the quarters. Could Sofia Kenin win? You bet. Might Madison Keys go back-to-back? Sure, why not. The only thing we know for sure is that the Kim Clijsters comeback will have to wait, as she withdrew Friday with an abdominal injury.

But no one benefits from a depleted field like Serena WIlliams. Serena’s victory in the Auckland Open in January (her first title since 2017) was her first true return to form since giving birth to her daughter. After a disappointing showing in Lexington a week ago, Serena will be ready to prove to everyone, including herself, that she is all the way back. An appetizing draw like this is the perfect opportunity to reassert her dominance before pursuing her 7th U.S. Open title.  

Unforced Errors’ humble forecast: Serena knocks off Pliskova in straight sets, winning her (ahem) 74th career singles title.

The Men’s Draw

Of all the players in the men’s draw, top-seeded Djokovic -- to whom another non-slam ATP title means very little, in the grand scheme of things -- may have the greatest incentive to win this week. The Djoker machine runs best when fueled with high-octane grievance, and Novak has never encountered a slight (real or imagined) that he couldn’t pound into motivational gold. His deeply stupid Adria Tour exhibition -- which observed little-to-no safety precautions and immediately precipitated, to no one’s surprise, a coronavirus outbreak -- earned him some of the most pointed and pervasive criticism of his career. He hasn’t apologized for staging the event, and to expect an apology would be to fundamentally misunderstand Novak, who increasingly considers himself the victim in the entire ordeal. Winning this tournament would be a textbook Djoker Message to My Haters, and he may view it as a way to turn the page on the controversy before the U.S. Open. Plus, a superhuman capacity to overcome adversity is basically the essence of The Novak Djokovic Story, so don’t expect him to be shook by any COVID-19 chaos.

But to win, Djoker will likely have to go through Daniil Medvedev in the semis and Dominic Thiem in the finals, and that may be too steep an ask for a 33-year-old coming off a multi-month hiatus and preparing to run down his 18th grand slam title. If Medvedev can recapture the form from his historically great 2019 hard court season, he has the inside track. But Thiem gets the best draw of all of them, and he has historically embraced a breakneck schedule, so a quick turnaround before the U.S. Open won’t faze him. 

Unforced Errors’ humble forecast: Dominic Thiem outlasts Djokovic in the final, improving to 5-2 in his last seven meetings with the legendary, rubber-bodied Serb.

TUNES TUNES TUNES TUNES

A fitting prologue as tennis starts a new chapter: the new times are here, but I cannot forget the past … and everything that’s bad. Put it on my tombstone. That’s all for now -- enjoy the tennis, freaks!